I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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