I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
