Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
