conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
