apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
