I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
