I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
