I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize