Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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