he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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