Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
