If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
