I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
