Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize