Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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