No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
