just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
