remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
