Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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