So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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