Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
