hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
