wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
