I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
