Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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