Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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