he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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