Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
