You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
