You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
