that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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