halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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