yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
