dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
