Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
