Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
