I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
