We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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