so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
