So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
