She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
