one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
