I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
