I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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