Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
