we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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