They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
