i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
