I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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