Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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