I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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