Quick, to the slutcave!
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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