sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
