Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
